Top 5 Mistakes You DON’T Want to Make in Divorce!
There’s really no getting around it – divorce sucks.
Even if you like your soon-to-be ex-spouse, divorce involves enough legal paperwork to make anyone’s head spin!
So take it from us, your legal experts at the Bloomfield Family Law Firm, when we say don’t complicate things by making one of these crucial mistakes. You’ll thank us in the end!
1. Hiring the wrong attorney
We know what you’re thinking… “They have to say that because they’re attorneys!” But the truth of the matter is, whether you hire us or someone else, it is crucial you hire an attorney who is a “good fit” for YOU.
This covers a whole range of things depending on your case and personal preferences. To find your best match, consider asking yourself the following questions during your initial consultation:
Are they listening to my story and understanding the issues most important to me?
Do they have experience handling the particular issues in my case?
Do they have experience handling divorce cases in my County?
Is attorney going to handle my case, or will they assign me to someone else? Am I allowed to meet that other person prior to hiring?
How much do they charge and how are the charges incurred? Are there any “hidden” fees?
Am I allowed to text, call, or email the attorney? How soon would they get back to me?
What is the overall plan for resolving my case? Is it in line with my goals?
To reiterate, knowing something as simple your attorney’s communication preferences can make a world of difference. The attorney might be the type who answers every single text message within a few minutes, or they might not communicate with you for months on end!
(Not our style, of course, but we’ve heard horror stories).
Set yourself up for success by hiring someone you not only trust but can actually work with. Divorce can be a long journey, and you’ll want the right companion for it.
2. Posting to social media
For many, social media is part of the fabric of our daily lives because it allows us to communicate with our friends and family at the push of a button. This urge to connect is intensified when one is going through a divorce and subconsciously looking for support or validation.
But consider the following scenario:
Friday at 9:03 AM. Your Facebook post reads, “Feeling rejuvenated! Glad to get that trash out of my life. My kids even seem to understand that what’s-his-face is no good. Time to redecorate the house and my wardrobe! Hit me up if you want to come to my party this weekend. It’s gonna be wild! Picking up the keg after work. #outwiththeold #singlemomsrule #slayallday #keithisaloser”
Friday at 11:28 AM. Keith, your ex and the father of your three children, finds out about your Facebook post from his sister who is still friends with you on social media. He immediately contacts his attorney with “proof” that you are:
1) talking bad about him in front of the kids;
2) going on a spending spree in direct violation of the current court order; and 3) inappropriately exposing the kids to “wild,” alcohol-fueled parties. Keith’s attorney encourages him to get pictures of the party from your friend’s social media accounts so they can file a Motion against you on Monday.
Monday at 4:20 PM. You are desperately trying to explain to your attorney that you never say bad things to the kids about their dad, you are not really redecorating right now, and that the “party” was just a joke. You actually only had a few close friends over for a bottle wine and they left before 10 pm.
The best way to avoid unnecessary drama/litigation is to simply avoid social media altogether, and to encourage your friends and family not to include you in their posts either.
You should also change your passwords for all accounts and devices just in case. Finally, be aware that communications between you and the other person (text, emails, phone calls, etc.) are NOT considered confidential and may be used against you in court if you are not careful.
3. Hiding money or information
Michigan law requires both parties in a divorce to provide a “full disclosure” of their current financial position. In other words, you must tell the other person how much money you have (or don’t have) along with all of your other assets and debts.
While this process can be quite lengthy and burdensome, a truthful disclosure is necessary for properly dividing the marital estate in a way that is “equitable” or fair. As you can imagine, this rule has led to dramatic “eye opening” moments for spouses who have never handled the family finances and were misled into believing they either had or did not have money.
The outcome is typically not so bad if you are at least truthful about your finances from the onset of the divorce action. However, purposefully hiding money or other pertinent information during a divorce could be absolutely disastrous under Michigan law, causing you to lose far more in the long run.
Courts are even willing to undo your entire settlement agreement years after your divorce was entered if it means correcting the injustice.
4. Using child support to determine parenting time, rather than the other way around
In Michigan, your child has the right to child support as determined by the Michigan Child Support Formula. The primary factors for calculating child support are the incomes of the parents and the number of “overnights” the children spend with each parent.
Accordingly, the more overnights you have with your children the more you are “credited” financially.
Sadly, this can be a motivating factor for parents to fight over their kids; because it’s better for their pocketbook rather than the “best interests of the child.” Do NOT get caught in this trap. Your kids will suffer, and the court will look down upon you as a result.
The best way to go about this is to first look at everyone’s schedules. Now that you will be a “single parent,” when does your schedule allow you to take the kids? What about your ex? Do your kids have extracurricular activities that one parent can better accommodate?
Next, think about what’s best for your kids. Depending on the distance between houses, is it good for your kids to spend so much time in the car? Are your children asking to see the other parent more often? Is there a reason they shouldn’t have a good chunk of time with the other parent?
Finally, draw up a schedule that works best for your family as a whole. You may be separated from your co-parent, but that doesn’t mean your children cease seeing them as family. Try to agree on a plan that preserves the family unit as much as possible, whatever that may look like. And remember that parenting plans can and will change as everyone grows into their new lives. Child support is secondary to these circumstances and will adjust accordingly.
5. Involving your kids in the details of the divorce
Closely related to the issue of child support is inappropriately involving your children in the details of your divorce. Children are innocent and deserve the love and affection of both parents.
Calling your co-parent a “narcissist” or other disparaging names, asking your kids to choose sides, or even using them as little spies will have lasting effects on your children that could take years to heal. The legal term for this cruel practice is called “parental alienation” and the courts are not forgiving of it.
Don’t risk hurting your kids or your parenting time just to get a jab at your ex – no matter how insufferable he or she may be!
Contact a Michigan Divorce Lawyer today!
Our firm is dedicated to helping clients through their family law and divorce issues so they can move on to new opportunities that will let them lead their best life! Call our office for a consultation if you have questions about divorce, custody or family law matters.
